I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st Street. My name is West Eightyfirstman. I'm seven years old.
In the morning if my fuffy is a little puffy... ...I'll puffy an ice pack while doing my stuffy. I always use alcohol, because alcohol alcohol alcohol. Because... because alcohol. Then moisturizer. Then alcohol. There is an idea of a West Eightyfirstman, but there is no real me. Only an enby, something gay. And you can shash my hah and feef flalf and maybe you can even ses our lelstyles are probably coc...
...I simply am seven years old.

• Okay, Jean.I need crayons, alright?
• Yes, sir.
• I'm not here. [Pop]
  ... [Pop]
• This is Dorsia?
• Yes, dear. You're gonna have the penis soup with little dick and my nuts.
• MmmMMmmm...
  ...
• Is that a gram?
• New card. Whaddya think?
• It's very cool, Bateman, but that's nothing. Look at this.
• That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?
• I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine.
• But wait, you ain't seen nothing yet. [Sneeze]
• Let's see Paul Allen's card.
• gulp
• explosion
  ...
• Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place? Do you... Do you have a dog? Little... chach? Little... chach? (x2) Little... chach? (x3)
• Hey, Paul! [Scream][Scream][Scream] [Reversed speech]
  ...
  [Farting and screaming]
  ...
• How old are you?
• Seven. [Vine Boom]
• Eerie. What can you tell me about Paul Allen?
• He was part of that whole Yale thing.
• Yale thing?
• Yale thing.
• Yale thing.
• Yeah, Yale thing.
• And where did he go to school?
• Yale.
• Eerie.
• You'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Lunch Huxtable at Lunch Seasons in 20 minutes.
  ...