this notebook sits in a dresser
5/2/96
Tom said i should start writing to get my emotions and such out so ill give it a try
Big smokes hasnt made much i thought itd make more but now that i got some greens it should be boomin i just need to get people hooked and avoid the law i need to branch out we got big things going on soon i just need more time before the law catches on to what we did to matt it was a minor scare he seems to be shook if things get to serious ill just skip town for a bit Court Court court everyone wants to go to court for things i just dont catch the grip its bad publicity first 4? days in town i already been shot n stabbed shits rough i need to chill out but prove myself that i dont take nothing people gonna think im soft thats about all i got to write the gang is slowly coming back into place the cards are in my deck i just gotta play them.

Things are getting real and real quick I took Levi’s life the other day I um I really liked him he was a good guy he was just like me except he was smarter with his life decisions I’ve lost my Freind’s my reputation but hey I got the street reputation I always wanted I guess that’s something right it’s all fucked I’m scared I’m really scared I’m a no good druggie like everyone said in Florida I was never gonna be anything in life but I did become something but it wasn’t something I wanted I’m a monster and I’m addicted to cocaine it’s the only thing that makes me feel powerful and like I have control over myself I feel like a god man but in reality I’m still living and learning my life my birthdays coming up whoop whoop the big 20 man am I right? I’m so fucking stupid Ryan and Bob are gone I haven’t seen Bobby either I cut Tom’s finger off it hurt bad man I liked him but we gotta cut ties he’s a hazard Wilson that fucking scum he’ll get what’s coming if he hadn’t ratted about what I said none of this would of happened it’s all his fault

I wanted out I needed someone to talk to and he snitched fuck man it’s all fucked it’s going to hell before to long the pd will kick in my door there’s a price for my head and it’s gonna be served on a silver platter maybe I should end it all that’d be really stupid of me but atleast then I’d stop causing harm to people if I keep going with this life I’ll be fucked I need out and quick

I’m gonna try to sleep now I’ll probably write more tomorrow